Short Chick With a Vampire Fetish
by anti-pookie
Summary: Sam really needs to learn to be careful what he wishes for, even if he does only think it for a second.


_AN: This was actually inspired by a line from another fic, _Important Angel Business_ by entangled_now on livejournal. Specifically, this exchange:_

_"am in leaky hotel room eating cold noodles in the dark. hunting demons is so much more awesome in the movies_

The phone vibrates in his hand

_or pretty much any episode of buffy the vampire slayer_

Sam almost texts back that he wishes he was Buffy the vampire slayer but that's one of those knee-jerk brain thoughts that probably shouldn't be shared, especially not with Gabriel, who not only has a dubious sense of humour but awesome supernatural powers."

_So, that fic is totally awesome. You should all read it. _

_Spoilers: Takes place post-Chosen for Buffy, sometime during season six for Supernatural._

_Disclaimer: I don't own either of these shows. They belong to Joss Whedon and Eric Kripke. I am just borrowing them for my own pleasure. ... That came out wrong..._

* * *

><p>Sam and Dean walked into the crappy motel room of the week, sweaty and sore from their latest hunt. Dean fell back onto his bed with a grunt and turned on the TV. On the screen, a small blonde woman was beating up a vampire. She made quick work of it, turning it to dust in under a minute. Dean scoffed at the screen.<p>

"You know, _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ always made demon hunting look a lot easier and more glamorous than it really is," he said. Sam nodded in agreement.

"Sometimes I wish I was Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Dean gave him an incredulous look.

"You want to be a short chick with a vampire fetish?" He asked, laughing. Sam glared at his brother.

"That's not- no. Just… no. I meant that it would make our job a hell of a lot easier." Dean grinned at him.

"Whatever, Sammy. If you want to be a girl, that's fine by me, I won't judge."

"Shut up, jerk."

"Bitch."

They turned back to the TV and finished watching the show in silence.

Sam woke up to someone vigorously shaking him. He groaned and pushed them away. "Five more minutes, Dean." There was no response, but at least he'd stopped shaking him. The covers were suddenly jerked off of him and knocked him to the floor. "Ow! What the hell?"

'Buffy, you need to get up. Willow said so." Sam froze. That voice was young, female, and most definitely _not_ Dean. And had she called him Buffy?

He peaked over the edge of the bed. A young dark-haired girl was standing there, arms crossed over her chest. "Oh, no way…" He ran to the mirror hanging above a dresser and stared. The face staring back at him wasn't his. "Shit, shit, shit!" He ran a hand through his- Buffy's- hair and looked back at the girl. She looked familiar.

"Dawn?" She gave him a worried look.

"Who else would I be? Buffy, you're acting really weird. Are you okay?" Dawn took a step towards him and Sam stumbled back.

_Calm down,_ a stern voice in his head told him. _You need to act like everything is normal until you figure out what's going on._ Sam nodded and smiled at Dawn. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just… had a weird dream."

"Vision weird or talking penguins weird?" She asked with a cheeky grin.

"I was a boy. And I was hunting with my older brother, Dean." Dawn laughed loudly and was about to make a sarcastic comment when there was a loud scream. Sam was out the door before he even knew what he was doing.

"Alright, I don't know what the hell's going on here, and I want answers. _Now._" A hot young woman with dark hair was standing at the top of a stairwell holding a sword. Whenever one of the dozen other people up there tried to get close to her, she would turn it on them. A guy with an eye patch who Sam recognized as Xander tried talking to her.

"Faith, calm down. It's just us. Remember me, Xander?" Her eyes grew even wilder as she turned on him.

"Who the hell is Faith?"

"You," a small red head said helpfully. Faith growled at her and she yelped before hiding behind the black girl standing next to her.

"No. My name is Dean Winchester. Now, what have you done with my brother?" Sam's eyes grew wide.

"Dean!" he shouted as he ran up the stairs. Dean-Faith turned the sword on him.

"What the- Buffy the Vampire Slayer?" The sword dropped to his side as sudden understanding dawned on his face. He turned to the eye patched man again. "Xander. And Willow." He pointed at the woman next to Xander. "And… I don't know who the rest of you are." He looked at the rest of the group, which included the small red head and black girl from earlier, as well as a short blonde man and half a dozen other girls.

Sam supposed it made sense Dean wouldn't know who they were- he'd never been very into the show. He'd only watched it for the hot girls, and had stopped mid-way through season four because "Riley was a pansy ass" (Sam knows it's really because Dean had a huge man-crush on Oz, but if he ever brought it up Dean would deny it.). Sam, however, had seen every episode- it was Jess's favorite.

"Alright, so Buffy, what is going on?" Dean asked.

"Dean, it's me," Sam said. He pulled his brother into a hug. "Boy, am I glad to see you. Well, not _you-_you, but-"

"Sammy?" Sam nodded. "Oh, thank god. Do you know what the hell is going on?"

"No clue. I woke up and I just looked like Buffy."

"So, you two aren't Buffy and Faith?" Xander asked slowly. They both shook their heads.

"We're Sam and Dean Winchester. Last thing I remember, we were watching _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ together in our motel room, and then we were here," Sam said.

"Watching?"

"It's a TV show in our universe." They all got a shocked expression on their face.

"Who plays me?"

"Dawn!"

"Right, sorry, not the point."

The blonde guy- after a second of thinking, Sam recognized him as Andrew- looked at them with wide eyes. "Wait, Sam and Dean Winchester? Like, the guys from the _Supernatural_ books?" Both brothers groaned.

"Really, those still exist in this universe? That figures," Dean grumbled angrily.

"Yeah, I've got a bunch up in my room. Vi just started reading them, too. " He pointed to the tiny red head who was still hiding behind the black girl. She nodded nervously.

"Do we know anything that could do something like this?" Willow asked.

"Vengeance demon?" Xander suggested with a shrug.

"Yeah, but vengeance for what? Did any of us wish Buffy and Faith were different, or that they were men?" everyone shook their heads at Willow.

"Maybe it was a witch," Dean said. "There are a lot of them that don't like us much."

"I don't even think I could do this. I don't know of a witch powerful enough to send someone into an alternate universe in a TV show." Sam groaned loudly and hit his head against the wall. "What?" Willow looked confused.

"I know someone that could do this and would think it was hilarious."

"He's supposed to be dead!" Dean said angrily.

"You think Gabriel did this?" Andrew asked. He nodded thoughtfully. "That actually makes a lot of sense. He might not really be dead, look at how many times he faked his death as the Trickster."

"Wait, the Trickster is Gabriel?" Vi exclaimed. Andrew looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Umm… no?" Willow gave them a pointed look saying that now was not the time for this conversation.

"We need to figure out a way to reverse this. Someone call Giles and we'll start researching," she said. The others nodded in agreement and Xander left to call Giles. Willow turned to Sam and Dean. "Don't worry. We'll fix this and have you two back to your world in no time."

* * *

><p>Buffy Summers was very comfortable in her bed. She'd be dreaming about Spike and Angel fighting over her (complete with oil this time!), and it was extremely satisfying. She could hear loud snoring in the room. This was what woke her up in the first place: Buffy had her own room. There shouldn't be anyone snoring in it.<p>

She slid out of the bed as quietly as possible. A quick glance around the room revealed that it wasn't hers, and the snoring was coming from a second bed, in which an incredibly attractive man was sleeping. She moved towards the door, but the man grumbled for a second before opening his eyes and promptly freaking out.

"Who the hell are you, and why are you in my room that isn't my room anymore?"

"I don't belong here, either buddy. But I was here first, so you tell me who you are." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm Faith Lehane, the Vampire Slayer." Buffy glared at him

"No, you're not. You're a hot guy. I know Faith. I'm Buffy Summer, the _other_ Vampire Slayer. Maybe you've heard of me?" The guy's eyebrows shot up.

"No,_ you're_ a hot guy, but I'm definitely Faith." Buffy looked down at herself to see a toned chest, six-pack and the floor- which was over a foot farther away than usual. She looked into the mirror.

"Holy shit, I am a hot guy." The guy claiming to be Faith looked into the mirror, too.

"Damn. I am, too. Any idea what the hell's up with that, B?" Buffy shook her head and continued to stare at the two of them in the mirror.

"Sam, Dean." They both yelped and jumped, turning to see a guy in a trench coat with messy hair and the bluest eyes Buffy had ever seen standing less than six inches from Faith.

Faith reacted without thinking and kicked him in the head. He didn't seem to feel it, but Faith fell over clutching her foot. He tilted his head and looked at them.

"You are not Sam and Dean." Faith stood on her foot gingerly and looked him up and down before grinning.

"The way you look, you can call me Xander Harris for all I care," she said with a slight leer. The angle his head was tilted at increased before his eyes narrowed.

"Who are you and what have you done to them?" He asked angrily.

"Our names are Buffy and Faith. We don't know what happened to them. We just woke up like this," Buffy said quickly. She didn't want a fight breaking out. "Could you tell us who you are? And who these guys are, for that matter?"

"I am Castiel, an angel of the Lord. They are Sam and Dean Winchester." Buffy's eyebrows shot up. _Angel?_

"Wait, wait," Faith said. "Castiel, Sam, and Dean? Like the guys from those really homoerotic books Andrew and Vi love so much?" Buffy balked at her.

"How do you even know that?"

"I read a couple when I had mono last month. _Free to be You and Me_ and _Changing Channels_ or something like that."

"_You_ read a book?" Faith shrugged.

"They were actually pretty good. Erased any doubt in my mind of Andrew's sexuality, but good none the less." There was a long pause while Buffy and Castiel stared at her.

"You had doubts about his sexuality?" Buffy finally asked. Faith shrugged again and turned to Castiel.

"Anyway. You should know what's going on, right? You're the angel guy, you always know what's going on."

"I will see what I can find out. I suspect witchcraft." Before either of them could reply, he had disappeared again. They gave each other confused looks.

"I'm hotter," Faith said with a smirk.

"You are not!" Buffy said, smirking back.

They both flopped back down onto their beds. If they were finally getting a day off, they were going to make the most of it.

* * *

><p>"None of my vengeance demons had anything to do with this." Willow nodded at D'hoffryn.<p>

"Alright. Thanks anyway," she said. He disappeared in a puff of smoke. Willow sighed and turned back to the others. "Back to square one. You got anything on the summoning ritual for Gabriel?" She asked Giles and Sam. They both shook their heads.

"I'm not even sure if he exists in this universe, and even if he does, there's no guarantee he'll be _our_ Gabriel," Sam said. Dean snorted. "I didn't mean our Gabriel _that_ way!" Giles gave him an amused look. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just odd seeing Buffy doing so much research without complaining."

"That's our Sammy. Little nerd of the family," Dean said. His tone was mocking, but you could see in his eyes how proud of his little brother he really was.

It had been a week since they got stuck here, and it was the longest of Sam's life. Buffy's life sucked ass, and since she was so much shorter than him he couldn't work his limbs properly during fights when he went out patrolling. He'd been thrown into a grave the night before and his back was still sore. He took back everything he said about it making their lives easier- Buffy's life was just as hard.

Plus, he was starting to get chocolate cravings, and he had incredibly painful cramps for reasons he's rather not think about. Needless to say, he wanted out _now._

"Can you even summon an angel?" Xander asked.

"Never tried to call one. Mostly we tried to get away from them, to be completely honest," Dean said.

"You don't try that hard to get away from Cas," Andrew said as he came into the room with some snacks.

"Well, duh. Cas isn't a giant dick with wings, he's our friend."

"Yeah, you two are really _good_ "friends," aren't you?" Andrew said under his breath. Sam tried and failed to hide a snicker behind his hand as Dean's eyes looked like they were about to bug out of his head.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He shouted.

"You two are pretty close. He pulled you out of Hell, he betrayed his family and fell, and he _exploded_ for you. Twice. Also, you guys stare at each other a lot," Andrew said with a shrug. Sam couldn't hold it in any longer; he burst out laughing at that.

"You forgot their "profound bond"," he said with a snicker.

"I hate you both," Dean muttered angrily.

"Well, he's right. And the staring is a lot worse in person than it could ever be in a book."

"Not that this isn't _fascinating_, but don't you think we should focus our energy on _research_ instead of Dean's love life with the angel?" Giles said, his voice full of incredibly British sarcasm. Sam and Andrew both turned their focus back to their books, grinning.

"I am not in love with Cas," Dean grumbled.

"Hey, you said this guy was a god, too, right?" Xander suddenly asked. Sam nodded, confused as to why that was important. Xander went on, ignoring Dawn's quiet 'I hate gods.' "Well, don't most gods have a summoning ritual? Maybe we're going about this the wrong way by looking for Gabriel instead of Loki." There was a long pause while everyone in the room stared at Xander.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Willow muttered. She turned to Giles. "Giles, think you can find a summoning ritual for Loki?"

"Ethan most likely knows one." Giles looked like it pained him to even consider asking Ethan for help. "If it's the only way to get Buffy back, I'll just have to suck it up and call him." Willow and Xander nodded in agreement.

"While he's doing that, I'm gonna try praying to Cas," Dean said. He closed his eyes. "Hey, Cas. We've got a bit of an issue. For one thing, I'm a chick. So's Sammy, but hey, what else is new?" Sam bitch faced at him even though he knew his brother couldn't see it. "Think you could get your ass down here? We could really use some help. So… Yeah. Thanks?" He opened his eyes and looked around hopefully. Cas wasn't there.

"It was worth a shot," Dawn said, patting Dean on the shoulder comfortingly.

Giles walked back into the room talking on the phone angrily. "Ethan! If you do not tell me the ritual, I will find you and I will hurt you. Glad you see it my way." He grabbed a pen and started frantically scribbling. Once the list of ingredients and the process were written down, he hung up without another word.

"You got it?" Sam asked.

"Yes. It's fairly typical except for the final ingredient. He said we needed to find three pounds of candy." Everyone except the Winchesters turned to give him confused looks. Sam just nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds like Gabriel."

* * *

><p>Once all the materials needed for the ritual had been gathered, Giles had everyone sit around the table and link hands. He started to chant.<p>

Sam could feel the air vibrating with power. The table was shaking violently, all the lights were flickering, and a loud screeching noise filled the air. After about three minutes of, it all stopped abruptly. Sam looked up to see an all too familiar short archangel standing in the room.

"I thought you two were supposed to be the "greatest hunters ever" or something like that. Why did it take you so long to find me?" Gabriel asked. He walked up to the bag of starbursts Xander had bought and let out a gleeful sound.

"We had to find a summoning ritual," Sam said.

"Kiddo, if you had prayed, I would have shown up."

"Seriously? We could have been out of here right away? Cause I've had to pee all day, and I _really_ hate it in this body," Dean shouted. Everyone in the room awkwardly tried not to look at him.

"Did I say I was letting people out of their current bodies?" Gabriel said with fake innocence. "What? You think there isn't still a lesson you need to learn?"

"What kind of lesson could this possibly teach them?" Xander asked.

"They each have a different one. And I bet Sammy, little genius that he is, has already figured his out." Gabriel turned to Sam and gave him and expectant look.

"Don't wish you could be a TV character when you know there's a dick archangel who loves torturing you?" There was a long pause.

"Actually, it was that being Buffy doesn't make your job much easier, but close enough."

"Those had nothing in common," Andrew said, a very Cas-like confused expression on his face. Gabriel smirked and winked at him.

"What's mine?" Dean asked warily.

"I can't tell you; that would be cheating." Dean looked like he was about to pop a vein in his forehead.

"You just told Sam his!"

"I like him more than you." Dean launched himself off of his chair and lunged towards Gabriel. Sam and Vi both jumped up to hold him back.

"Alright, I'll give you a hint. It has to do with Cas." Dean's eyes went wide and he struggled even harder against Sam and Vi.

"I swear to God, if you did something to him, I will_ kill_ you, archangel or not!" Gabriel grinned widely at Dean and shoved another handful of starbursts into his mouth.

"Oh? And why's that?"

"Because I-" Dean cut himself off and stopped struggling. "Bastard," he muttered.

"Alright, I think everyone learned what they were supposed to here. Tallyho and all that jazz." Gabriel snapped his fingers and the three of them disappeared. Vi fell over with a small shriek when Dean was no longer there to support her.

"He's officially my least favorite character," she grumbled as Rona helped her up.

"You say that now, but just wait 'til you read the scene where he finally joins their side, and then Lucifer kills him in one of the most well written death scenes in the entire series," Andrew said excitedly.

"WHAT?"

"Umm… Nothing?"

* * *

><p>Buffy looked around the new room she had suddenly appeared in. Faith was there with her. Standing across the room she saw her body and Faith's body standing by a short guy.<p>

"Oh, thank god!" Faith's body ran up and gave Faith a huge hug, and if Buffy thought about that sentence too hard she was going to give herself a headache. Faith's body- who Buffy assumed was Dean at the moment- turned to the short guy. "Turn us back now! I am so tired of being in a chick's body!"

"Right, cause being a guy is such a walk in the park. I don't see what's so great about having a penis. Guys make such a big deal out of it, but really, it just made it difficult to walk," Buffy said. "Although maybe it would have been easier if you weren't so well hung," she added thoughtfully. Sam blushed and Dean spluttered loudly.

"Don't say things like that!" He shouted while Faith and the short guy laughed loudly.

"Alright, everyone touch themselves," Shorty said. The other four turned and blanched at him. "Poor choice of words. Everyone hold hands with their regular body." Buffy reached out and grabbed Sam's hand. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Faith and Dean do the same. Shorty looked at them all for a second. "You're done."

Buffy looked down and let out a happy squeal.

"You know, if it weren't for your angel boyfriend, I would definitely have sex with you. And him," Faith said to Dean. He blushed a little but managed to control himself.

"Yeah. Good to know."

"I'm sending everyone back to their world now," Shorty said He snapped and the Winchesters were gone. He turned to Buffy. "Sweetheart? Never give an archangel the nickname "Shorty," even if it is only in your head. And I'm taller than you." Faith laughed and he snapped again, sending them home.

* * *

><p>Cas was sitting on one of the beds when the boys appeared. "Faith, Buffy, are you al- Dean." He stood up, looking at Dean intently.<p>

"Yeah." Dean stared back and stepped closer.

"I'll let you two talk," Sam said quietly, letting himself out of the room. Neither one of the other two acknowledged him, too wrapped up in each other.

* * *

><p><em>So, that was that. Not really much else to say. Review?<em>

_Hobey-ho,_

_anti-pookie_


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